Hello, Livejournal,


I just wanted to tell you that I have a large group of pals (well, the largest close-knit group o' pals I've ever had) now. This semester has made me realize Biology is definitely not my major and that people that are biology majors are the nicest people. They also happen to be the more moralistic types--people that won't stop being friends with me just because I have high moral standards.

I'm only putting it that way because somebody I used to consider a best friend has decided to cut off our friendship because she disapproves of my morals and cannot see across the class divide. I never force my morals on her--it's probably because she wants wilder friends or that I'm no longer of use to her. I don't know. I feel like this is entirely my fault. Why do my friendships always end this way? Why am I always on the losing end?

What I'm afraid of is that since these people don't know me very well, they might leave me once they find out what I'm really like. But that's inevitable, isn't it? I have also learned to shove my emotions in the closet when I get to school. I've got a lot going on--family drama and regressions. I do so much crying on the train that it's embarrassing but I can't do it anywhere else. High School gave me friends that would listen to my problems but college is a different story.

I should be sleeping and studying for Biology but I drank so much Mr.Pibb today that I'm wide awake.

• Dumb side-stuff:
  
  
  • I found a blog that belonged to somebody I knew and it makes me extremely uncomfortable for some reason. Knowing somebody's personal thoughts can be a bit unnerving. I kind of step back and say: "Whoa, I knew this person? Holy crap!".
    
  • My birthday is in a few days. I had to celebrate early because everybody is busy. No remarkable presents.
    
  • I almost forgot. I got into the TH program. It's a personal goal for me but I know I won't be able to maintain membership because of my Biology grade (unless I do extremely well on the next test).
    
  • I lost weight (which never happens) but I probably gained it all back with all the Mr.Pibb I had today.
    

Mrow, I don't have the internet at home now right when I need it to review for a test next week. D:
Biology has seriously taken a lot out of my semester. There's practically no time to do anything except bathe, eat, maybe sleep, study and outline, . JUST for Bio though. I can't pay as much attention to Anthropology as I wanted to and that's a shame because I really enjoy the lectures.

I really wish I still had time to do more creative stuff on the side. I miss going outside and seeing friends too. That reminds me, I need to to start making new friends. But being as socially awkward as I am has its disadvantages.

The smaller goals for myself this semester are to:
-exercise whenever possible
-eat better
-talk to people more

Just trying to improve myself a little at a time. My next class starts soon~

Here's a quick post because I'm lazy and Biology has taken over my life.

I found fandomsecrets this weekend and it has been my time sink for the past few days.
My initial reaction was: "This stuff is hilarious!" but as I read on I realized I'm not nearly as messed up as some of the people that send them in. Like the people who become anorexic because of cosplaying or even getting an abortion for cosplay.

Here's one that I agree with though:

To be honest, I told a certain somebody that I didn't like her or the show at all and was physically beaten up a few times because of it.

This part's sorta a secret: I didn't like it because Haruhi basically has the same personality as the person who beat me up.

Well, now it's not a secret.

I woke up feeling down this morning. I don't know why. I just got off the the rag so I can't be PMSing.
I'm trying hard to stay positive because I start school tomorrow.

Ho, snap, it's been so hot these last two days that I haven't left the house. I've been stuck laying around the house, keeping my ratties cool.

My god, I'm aching to go out and exercise or do anything.

Man, the summer's already over and I realized I have yet to do an entire art fart. Shame on me.

Meh. I'm watchin' Moomin in Finnish.

I've turned into an unemployment zombie. Filling applications, going on wild goose hunts for work...that's been my life lately.

Other than that, I picked up Harry Potter again after giving up on it in high school and finished Order of the Phoenix today. One down, teo more to go. At least, I'll be getting something done this summer.

I got a bike for the first time in about 4-6 years and I really like it. Once I saw it in the shop, I just had to buy it. It's a used frame but everything else is new. It may look a beaten up but it certainly has its charm, well, to me, anyway.

My mother, however, is not pleased. I think she's going to kick my ass once I shower and go down for dinner even though I really like the bike. The least she'll do is make me haul it back to Park Slope and return it.

Been seeing old pals a lot lately. Still no job. Extremely emo because of monthlies. Okay, just a quick update before I get my ass handed to me.

Sorry I died for the last few weeeks. I've been having problems with will power lately. Making myself do things I even enjoy is hard now.

My summer class is kinda demanding and we have to do a 30 minute presentation in a week or so.

Other than I that, I think I'm losing a friend. Not because we fought or something but because I feel like I have nothing to offer her anymore. I dunno. We just fell apart sometime this year. I tried to hang out with her last Friday but I ultimately felt like I was wasting her time. BUT!Look what I found after I met up with her:

After five years of searching for it, it finally shows up in the Used rack. I spent most of my free time on this game for a few days and it was so worth it.

Okay, I should really get going.

This year, I learned that just because some people are older than you, it doesn't mean that they are more mature than you. My expectations have been completely blown away by others as well. Some go well beyond my standards while others fall far from them. I should know by now that people almost never turn out the way they I think they will.

I had a dream last week about a library/cafeteria. You had to get a book to go with your food. You get a tray and fill it up with stuff you want then you pick out a book. I was with a friend but I took so long with finding a good book that I lost her. Come to think of it, I haven't read consistently for a while. I used to constantly read up until the start of junior year. Dunno why. I wanna start again though.

I also wanted to write a fancy, shmancy Elizabethan epic last week for no reason.


My sleep cycle is so bad now. I go to sleep around three and wake up at 11. Went to the orthodontist today. The nurse was especially heavy-handed and stuck wire in my jaw like I was a dummy.
The doctor came around and said my lower jaw needed to be expanded so in addition to really stiff wire, I have to wear elastics. Woo-hoo.

Maybe I'll change my moodset tonight.

I had a dream last night about an overcrowded cat shelter. There was a mother and daughter picking out a kitten out of a litter crammed in a carrier. The whole place was musty and the poor cats looked so sad behind their cage doors.

I don't really know why I had this particular dream. I don't have a cat nor do I really want one at the moment. It still made me sad though.

I really have to go study now.